There is no perfect path: Do it anyway

There is no such thing as a perfect plan

I was recently chatting with my brother and sister-in-law about a trip to Vegas we took years ago, “PK” (that’s pre-kids for you non-parents out there).  They were recalling hysterical memories and moments of disaster and I was struggling to recall any of it.  I began to try to really tap into the memories and I felt like I had to burn way too many calories to dig deep into the memory vault to recall the trip.

I got a horrible feeling in my gut and quickly realized why those memories had been buried and tucked away.

I was pregnant on that trip, the first time ever, roughly 12 weeks.  I didn’t have the same “Vegas” experience they did. I didn’t have a drop of alcohol, didn’t get enough rest and was buried beneath a horrible gut feeling that something was wrong with the pregnancy.

After returning and a doctor’s appointment a few weeks later, my gut feeling was confirmed.  There was no heartbeat anymore.

When the doctor confirmed it, the room began to slip away, my vision blurred, my heart sank and I literally couldn’t move.  I heard my husband and the doctor talking but couldn’t make out their words, instead, it felt like white noise. To say I was devastated was an understatement.

I know you’ve felt that devastation, perhaps far greater than mine, one that strips all of your dreams away in the blink of an eye?


I make plans

I had a freakin’ plan for my life! I was going to get pregnant timed perfectly to have a spring baby on a teacher’s schedule (as I was a high school teacher at that time).  I was going to have a perfectly healthy baby on my schedule and on my terms.

I blamed myself. I didn’t rest enough, I didn’t eat right and I hated myself for going on a vacation with the family that left me staying up too late.  We don’t talk about this enough.  33% of women share my experience and instead of grace for ourselves, our immediate reaction is that it is our fault as women, that our bodies failed us.

This experience sent me into a downward spiral for weeks, even months.  I could barely move from the couch or go to work.  My friends an family didn’t know what to say to console me and I was drowning in the fear of never having a child of my own.  Looking back, I realize that my body did exactly what it was designed to do.  BUT when you are immersed in excitement, love, and potential, that purpose isn’t clear.

I plan and control everything in my life. This event was not the path I had imagined, it was not in my control.  I had a vision of a white picket fence, starting a family when I wanted and everything falling into place…perfectly.  I had no idea that this would happen again and again during my trials of trying to become pregnant.  My plan had fallen to pieces.


Control what is within your control

I had zero control of whether or not it was my time to become a mother.  Maybe you are spiritual or maybe you are still trying to discover your own spirituality (I’ll admit this is my current place), but the plan was not my own.  That became glaring.

After crawling into a deep hole, I realized what was my own, was how I could react to what was in my control.  I could choose to lead the life with anger, a lack of understanding and a desire to gain even more control.

Instead, I dug deep and with support chose to embrace the hurdles within my plan. Over time I did deep work to shift my focus to the things that mattered in the journey towards parenting.  Eating well, resting well, get financially fit, being mature enough to handle parenting and above all, preparing our marriage for what parenting would look and feel like.

Those were the things I could control.  I began to appreciate the windy path that leads me to parent because it made me want it SO much more.  I focused on my wellness both physically and mentally and zoned in on all the good things going on in my life, with trust that when the time was right, I would someday be a mom.

And guess what?

I did.

I became a mom of two awesome children, but not on the path I ever predicted.  It wasn’t easy.  In all honesty, some days I could barely function.  There were times I couldn’t be around pregnant women or new babies.  It hurt me to the core.


Life will always happen

How do my losses as a mother correlate to my work as a nutrition coach?  I see this same parallel every day.  I hear from clients all the time that “life happened” during the week and it derailed their focus and didn’t help them get closer to their goals or maintain their “plan.”

From my perspective, that is the perfect time to learn and grow as that is real life.  Life will always happen and that will challenge the straight path you envision to get to your goals.

There is no perfect path on your journey towards success.  We so desperately want the path to be smooth with street signs pointing perfectly to our destination.  But guess what?  It never is, because it won’t really teach us anything if that were the case.

There is deep work required to overcome the notion that life will be perfect.  The reality is: it won’t ever be perfect.  You are going to be thrown curve balls.  You can step up to the plate to hit or never show up for the game at all.  But better to strike out than to never have swung at all.  Life will always happen.


We learn from the practice

If I told clients exactly how long to sleep, how much water to drink, how much to train, made their food for them, did their grocery shopping, etc. …would they really progress?  Sure, they will see results but will it ever really get them to that happy long-term place they hope to maintain?

For some, maybe.  But it would teach them ZERO about food awareness, how to deal with social temptation and how to truly fuel their body for the goals they have.

The path towards healthy living will have temptation, social events, a lack of willpower, peer pressure, exhaustion or whatever challenge you can imagine.  It is how we respond to these hurdles that set us apart from the doers and those that never try to overcome.

When we can execute effective nutritional practices in our own home, it’s kind of like the practice before the big game.  It provides us a bubble to learn from to guide our understanding of food awareness.

When opportunities arise to leave that bubble, it’s game time.  It’s a chance to put into play all the practice we’ve showed up for.  It’s an opportunity to control the things you can and overcome the things you can’t.  This is part of the plan we can’t always control.  This is the part of the plan that forces you to show up and grow from the experience.


We grow from being pushed to the outer limits of our experience

We learn far more from experiences that test us and challenge us.  If we live life tucked into our cozy place then we never push the threshold of experience to get better.  When we are provided an opportunity to react to a situation that challenges us it gives us the experience to grow and the mental fortitude to battle through the next fight.

A plan is intended to be the framework that provides intention for success.  When we embrace the notion that the plan will be challenged, it begins to open our eyes to the possibility of learning.  It shows us that we can achieve far more than we expected.  It gives us the confidence to know that we have the power to take on any detour that might fall into our path and still come out on top.


There is no perfect time to start

Waiting around to “start” is a waste of time.  It creates unneeded anticipation and a false sense of success.  There is no perfect time to start whatever endeavor you are thinking of beginning; health, food, money or relationships.  Even when you think the path is clear ahead, it won’t be.  Something will be thrown on the path that will slow your progress and take you to a place you didn’t expect.

It’s designed that way for a reason.  To test your commitment, your purpose, and your goal.  Above all, it makes you reflect on how badly you want it.

Stop letting the windy road take you away from your goals.  You can’t control the unforeseen but you can control your reaction to it.  You can control your food choices when you have a last minute client dinner.  You can control what you order through a drive through after the kids’ practice runs too late.  AND you can control your day-to-day consistency and commitment to your end goal.

Getting started requires you to invest in yourself and realize you are worthy of it. That can happen at any moment of the day.

I am here to tell you and show you in many ways, that the plan is never perfect.  I’ve learned it in my quest to become a mother, as a mom and wife, as a coach and now as a business owner.  Furthermore, it’s something I work on with clients every single week.

Their stories of perseverance when their plan was nothing like they intended show their ability to grow and learn how to navigate life when it comes to you in a way you didn’t expect.

Embracing the corkscrew of life to reach your goals is what provides you a chance to grow and evolve.  Those experiences leave us with more confidence and wisdom to remind us that we are ready for more.

Work Hard Be Kind,



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